Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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