Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
