Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
