before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
