For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
