do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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