I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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