Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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