'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
