Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
