so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
