Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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