We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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