I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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