dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
