You're completely useless in the revolution.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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