we have pet lesbian snakes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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