I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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