i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
