You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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