the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
