I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
