I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
