he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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