it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
