Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His hands were made for my vagina.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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