I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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