I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
