I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
