What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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