The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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