benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
