morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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