he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
