your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
