I didn't shave. On purpose
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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