Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
