What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
