I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize