i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
