Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Holy shit dude........stairs
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
