What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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