At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
