Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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