can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
