yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
