She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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