Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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