After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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