i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
