I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
