Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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