I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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