We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
