Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
