I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
