I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
