so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
