I am spending my child support on dildos
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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