i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
