someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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