I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
