I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found puke in my bra..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
