Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
