your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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