Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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