What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
