wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
what day is it and did you see me today?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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