So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
