if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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