you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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