I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
