my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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