think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
