3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
sex in a hospital.. check
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
