How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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