My sheets look like a crime scene.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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