I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
