Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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