When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
