He had one of those small greek statue penises
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
