Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
