R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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