my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize