my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize