And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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