dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
