Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
