I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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