Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
