So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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