I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
