stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
