I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My bed smells like the plague
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
