I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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