I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
