There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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