i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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