Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
