my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
