Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
