I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
