"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think a kid would responsible me up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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