Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
