I wish I could punch you in the face.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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