You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
