By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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