Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
