I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
