Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
