If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
