Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize