Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
