his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
