How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
