I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
