I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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